Like the uncovering of the bodies as the giant sun soars up

So we could do a "best of 2009" type feature here. But that would mean having to exploit two faculties which are in a bad way chez my brain: remembering things, and putting things in order of preference (you should see me at the ballot box (PR-STV ftw!)).

Let's do something a little different. The Liverpool 4-4 Arsenal game in April was strange enough as it was, especially for an Arsenal fan. But to weird it up a squeak, when I wasn't tweeting stream links, I watched the second half with the volume turned down. My soundtrack instead was Barafundle by Gorky's Zygotic Mynci — which is, conveniently, forty-eight minutes long. I was listening to this album again lately, and the memories of confusion, Arshavin, confusion, Arshavin and confusion returned like aftershocks.

So here's a trip 'round my mind as it was on the evening of 21 April 2009. By the wonders of science, I have determined which song was playing as each of the seven second-half goals was scored. I will leave any Dark Side of Oz coincidences up to the reader (a knowledge of Welsh might help). Just realise the cognitive dissonance involved here.




1-1 — Torres — 'The Barafundle Bumbler'




2-1 — Benayoun — 'Patio Song'




2-2 — Arshavin — 'Bola Bola' ("Tummy tummy")




2-3 — Arshavin — 'Cursed, Coined and Crucified'




3-3 — Torres — 'Sometimes the Father Is the Son'




3-4 — Arshavin — 'Hwyl Fawr i Pawb' ("Goodbye to everyone")




4-4 — Benayoun — 'Wordless Song'

*
Now that I've shared almost half the album with you, do buy it if you like what you hear (there's some even better stuff elsewhere on the record) and salve my conscience into the bargain. Happy new year, folks. Read more...

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Arsenal & Liverpool, Ted & Ralph

"Tomato, Liverpool ... aubergine, your ... potato, season's ... turnip dead."



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®ebranding the Premier League

Last week, The Offside were contacted by a body representing the Premier League informing them that unless they removed the team crests from their site, they would "disappear" in the middle of the night, or some such.

Now, some may see this threat as a bad thing. They may point out that clamping down on an operation which is essentially giving them free publicity is more than a tad heavy-handed and risks alienating the very fans on whose custom the league depends. Others would argue that an organisation that charges for the reproduction of their fixture list has things a bit out of perspective.

But, in fairness, perhaps the league has a point. It's time they were given the right to reply. And seen as they are far too honourable to engage in mature, reasoned discussion, I have taken the liberty of presenting their case. As I'm already on a rebranding kick, I have created some new crests which present compelling arguments for why you should Do As You're Told™.

So, bearing in mind that--

* I used the exceedingly crude Microsoft Paint;

* I have the artistic flair of a raw ham;

* I didn't do crests for all Premier League clubs (I'm a genius, not a machine);

* When it came to Manchester United, I couldn't compete with this:


* Yes, smartarse long-time reader: I know that the Chelsea crest is based on an idea previously expressed on these pages (fear not: I have instigated legal proceedings against myself);

* The Blackburn and West Ham badges are pretty much gratuitous Neill- and Big-Sam-bashing, but think of it like this -- you're paying their wages;

--enjoy. Tell my family I love them.

UPDATE: Man City crest amended: key underlining added as aid to proper emphasis.

UPDATE THE SECOND: I forgot to mention that the inspiration for this post was a comment by Run of Play reader cjp, so a big and belated thank you is due.

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