The Occasional Biscuit: A Song for Rafa

Continuing our whenever-the-hell-we-remember-it series in which we celebrate (or fabricate) vague sporting references in Half Man Half Biscuit songs as a completely transparent way to get them onto the blog.

Of course, the smart thing would have been to post this between when Rafael Benítez was mutually sacked by Liverpool and the day he signed up to become the interista Oscar Tabárez. Still, given his inevitable fate down San Siro way, it strikes an appropriately doomy note, especially if you listen right to the end. You will return to this page in several months time and marvel at my foresight. And it comes from an album called This Leaden Pall! What more could you want? This is 'Turned Up Clocked On Laid Off'.

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The Occasional Biscuit: See the keepers

Let's dust off our inadvertently neglected Occasional Biscuit feature (explanation here for thems that need it) for this track from the album Trouble Over Bridgwater. A couple of football references here, amongst other delights: a would-be pitch invader and a passage which suggests that, as hmhb.co.uk put it, "Nigel's been reading his World Cup encyclopaedia again".

After the jump, I give you "Emerging From Gorse" ... plus a bonus.

Sing/talk along!



Here's the bonus: "Running Order Squabble Fest" from This Leaden Pall. There is a very tenuous football link here (clue) in what might be my favourite HMHB line (though ask me tomorrow and...)

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The Occasional Biscuit: I can't stand any more 'cos I can't stand anymore

A banner inspired by a Half Man Half Biscuit album cover, a username creatively misspelling a Half Man Half Biscuit lyric, several posts whose titles were nabbed from Half Man Half Biscuit songs, a series of posts dedicated to Half Man Half Biscuit songs with a sporting connection...

...You don't think it looks a bit like that fella who had a room covered with pictures of Alan Partridge, do you?

Anyway, this edition of The Occasional Biscuit is brought to you courtesy of Webbie of Football & Music. He had first dibs on this song, and not several hours ago (well, yes several hours ago), he posted it. So with indecent haste, here it is too.

But before we get to what is (not to overstate the case) THE GREATEST FOOTBALL SONG EVER, do make sure to check out the F&M post, which also features two other great HMHB tunes, including their version of the Bristol Rovers favourite 'Goodnight Irene'. In addition, I had a hand in selecting the songs in a recent F&M post, focusing on the insanely wonderful football/Jorge Ben intersection.

To business. Calling this, as I did, THE GREATEST FOOTBALL SONG EVER may seem like damning with faint praise, but ... just listen. This is 'Friday Night and the Gates Are Low' from the album Some Call It Godcore. Some background info: it's inspired by futile years spent at Prenton Park. Tranmere Rovers used to play some (all?) of their home games on Fridays to avoid a clash with whoever between Liverpool and Everton were at home that weekend. Jimmy Greaves would then take the piss out of them the next day.

This series is all downhill from here...

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The Occasional Biscuit: The almost illegal Elton Welsby

I hadn't planned on so quickly posting a second installment of The Occasional Biscuit, our series of vaguely sportological Half Man Half Biscuit songs. But then came the stunning revelation from the producer of Football Weekly that — no foolin' — he once saw Elton Welsby naked. And like any good HMHB fan, I immediately thought of the one image more disturbing than that, as presented by the band in the song "A Country Practice" from their 1998 album Four Lads Who Shook the Wirral.

Added bonuses: a passing tennis reference and an "Abide with Me" quote. And EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT THE SONG. Ahem.

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The Occasional Biscuit: Your travelling army of synthetic supporters & Free Paolo!

Time for the first in an actual, genuine series now on Sport Is A TV Show. Introducing The Occasional Biscuit, wherein we ransack the back catalogue of the mighty Half Man Half Biscuit for songs of theirs with some kind of sporting connection. Though sometimes that connection is tenuous. Very tenuous.

This series could be monthly, fortnightly or weekly: I haven't yet decided. It may not even always be on Fridays. You just never know with me. I'm mavericky like that.

We'll begin, like any course of medication*, with a double dose. First, an obvious one, perhaps, but nonetheless special for that. 'All I Want for Christmas Is a Dukla Prague Away Kit' was originally released on the Trumpton Riots EP in 1986, and is still probably their most famous song. Nigel Blackwell, the main man in the group, once told Champions magazine that he didn't much like it. But then, he's also claimed that 'Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo' isn't really about The Libertines. Pffft.

Here's it is, then, twice over: almost certainly the best song ever written about Subbuteo:



Second, a song which demonstrates how truly flimsy some of these sporting links are going to be. Listen carefully to 'Tour Jacket with Detachable Sleeves', though, and you'll spot it:


With thanks to Webbie — on whose Footballistic & Musical toes I'll try not to tread with this series — for suggesting the idea.

*Disclaimer: I HAVE EXACTLY NO MEDICAL TRAINING.

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