The nerds will rise again

There's a lot of it about, you know. As you've surely noticed, the beauty and fun are being sucked out of football by the New Seriousness — no, not a Starsailor reunion, but the inappropriately close watching of games, as propagated by those who believe spodliness to be next to godliness. The official SIATVS line on this, in concert with others, is to decry it with all our not inconsiderable might, as we've made abundantly, devastatingly clear. Now, it's the turn of Fisted Away's Nick Dunmore to have his say, by way of a certain band of Mancunians. Singalonganicknmark!



The grotesque pedants stalk the land
And deep down inside you know everybody wants to like Big Paper
Hands send tweets to famous apes
Male slags, male slates, pass completion rates
Water carrier now grim thoughts
The whole country is post-Graeme
Echoes of the past


All hail the new seriousness!
Insidious maelstrom, cook one


And all hard-core fiends
Will die by me
And all decadent sins
Will reap discipline


New seriousness!


This is the grim referee
The snap at the end of the straw
With a high 6+5 quota
Your star karma, Jim


New seriousness!
New seriousness!


The conventional is now experimental
The experimental is now conventional


It's a dinosaur tackle
A pteradactyl debacle
In N1 a drunk is sick on Rob Smyth's star on York Place
Ha-ha ha-ha
Vintage strips take off in Britain's black spots
The Guardianistas run for cabs
This I have seen


New seriousness!


In Britain the scream of real-ale pumps in a gastropub
Your stomach swells up before you get drunk
The bars are full of male slags
At 10:35 they play "National Shite Day" once


Why don't you ask your local team's winger how many corners he took today?
What do you mean "What's it mean? What's it mean?"?
"What's it mean? What's it mean?"


New seriousness
New seriousness


Hail the new puritan
Out of hovel, cum-coven, cum-oven


And all hard-core fiends
Will die by me
And all decadent sins
Will reap discipline


New seriousness
New seriousness


New seriousness
New seriousness
New seriousness
New seriousness
New ser...ious...ness


New seriousness


I curse the self-copulation
Of your lousy fanzine collection
New seriousness says "Coffee table WSCs never breathe"


New seriousness
New seriousness
New seriousness
New seriousness
New seriousness says...


New seriousness
Teymourian!
New seriousness
New seriousness
New seriousness