E equals &c.

Dear all,

Hi! Hope this finds you well. What an eventful day it's been round our way. You know that old tree in our front garden? Well, it only went and toppled over and crashed into our sitting room! Yes, yes: I know you told me it was dead and that the diseased roots would surely rot away. I probably should have got it cut down last summer, but things are always so busy, you know? You never get to do half the things you want to do. You know how it is. Anyway, the window is smashed and the wall and roof have been damaged terribly. And you should see the state of the furniture! Plus, the rain's got into the electrics and shorted the whole house. It's all a right dog's dinner. Still, it gives me a chance to spruce things up. Lick of paint and a new armchair and it'll be right as rain. Probably won't be quite as it was, mind, but one must be grateful for small mercies. It'll turn out right in the end.

Arsenal drew against Sunderland. They were at home and everything! This after Villa lost to Chelsea earlier. D'oh! There goes fourth place. You know something? Things seem bad, but it's like my nan used to always say: Every cloud...! Of course, she was senile and would say "Every cloud!" every five minutes, apropos nothing. But that doesn't mean she wasn't right. Look at it this way: Arsenal will be part of the inaugural Europa League next season. They'll go down in history as pioneers, helping to steer European football to new frontiers. That's a warm thought to keep in your heart next September when they're facing a Montenegrin team whose previous best performance in Europe was reaching the Intertoto Cup second round in 2004, isn't it? The excitement of those Champions League nights just gives me the hiccups, anyway.

My wife left me today. She took me aside -- well, she kind of stood in front of me and spoke a bit more loudly and clearly than usual. She said that she'd been having an affair for the past nine years. Some fella from work, I wouldn't know him. She had been deeply unhappy with our marriage for a long time before that, and she couldn't keep living this double life, so she was leaving. Took the kids as well. Says she never wants to see me ever again. That was a turn-up, eh?! I must say, I didn't see that one coming. It's not something you want to see happen, and it's not the most pleasant feeling, I'll grant you that. But I don't know, maybe it was for the best. I mean, if she was that unhappy, what good was there in continuing? She needed to do it. I suppose. And I'll be alright. Maybe the new start will be good for me, too. Having everything you trust and believe in instantaneously blown into smithereens is tough, but who knows what good could come of this? The only way is up! Every cloud...!

Anyway, that's it from me. Hope your day was as exciting as mine. Talk to you soon!