Two Newcastle gags I wish I wasn't about to tell you about, because then I'd be able to steal them and pass them off as my own

Unfortunately, my better nature has persuaded me to point out that they both came within a few minutes of each other from the Sports Panel on Simon Mayo's Radio Five Live show.

The first one was the suggestion that the Toon should have a different guest manager every week like Have I Got News For You. Shame. It would have been hilarious. No, really - just imagine it, there.

See?

The second was the following:

"You Joe Kinnear?"
"No, I'm deadly serious..."