This weekend, following yesterday's World Cup draw, you're going to see a ton of would-be insights from people who have seen, like, six of the teams play since the last tournament, using whatever lame prognosticatory capacities they possess.
I'd hate to buck the trend.
GROUP A (The Group of Lady Macbeth)
WE COULD HAVE FINISHED SECOND IN THAT GROUP!
GROUP B (Quite Literally The Group of Beth)
75% identical in composition to Group D in the 1994 finals. Which makes South Korea this tournament's Bulgaria, Park Ji-Sung the Stoitchkov of the East and Lionel Messi a very naughty boy. (See? This prediction stuff is a cinch.)
GROUP C (The Group of Meth)
USA-England: a recently-diagnosed manic depressive versus a lifelong sufferer. The broadcast will end with "If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this programme..."
GROUP D (The Group of Math)
Look, Neill fouled Grosso, okay?
GROUP E (The Group of Heth-Eth-Eth-Eth-Eth, Heth-Eth-Eth-Eth-Eth, Heth-Eth-Eth-Eth-Eth, Sausage Factory)
"That's just naive defending, Clive."
GROUP F (The Group of "Eth! There's a Hair on My Tongue!")
"A beaut from Butte!"
"Miss South Carolina!"
"Nuthin' could be finer!"
"Uh ... Good for her!"
GROUP G (The Group of Glorious Sacrifice for the Motherland)
"So, at half-time it's Ivory Coast leading North Korea by a goal to nil. What effect do you think this will have on England's chances, Alan?"
GROUP H (The Group of Bad Breath)
Sepp Blatter is Swiss. That's all I'm saying.