How to pronounce Irish footballers' names
We Irish have long had to suffer the indignity of our names being twisted, rolled and inaccurately gobbed out by mean, unworthy tongues. It's almost as if the names were artificially converted from one language to another and rendered in an unsuitable orthography or something. If you possess such a tongue and wish to atone for the offence it's caused all those Morans, Keowns, McGraths, Cahills, Dohertys, Costellos, Kinsellas, Gallaghers, O'Rrarcis and Kellys, here is a guide to the pronunciation of the names of players and key staff of the Republic of Ireland European Championship squad. (I believe Northern Ireland also have a team and good for them.)
McCarthy: mack-ur-TEE
Quinn: Keane
Keogh: kyuck
Duffy: doo-FAY
McGeady: mack-a-DEE-dee
Ciarán: see-air-AAAAAAAAAAN
Coleman: first syllable is actually pronounced 'coal'
Randolph: was originally Ralph until he added a silent 'ndo' in honour of Cameroon's finest
Cyrus Christie: Chris Christ
Robbie Keane: BOB-let KANE
Long: lung (from the Irish Mac Long, son of Boatface)
Shay Given: oh fuck, Ralph's holding his hamstring
Jonathan: FRANK-and
Wes Hoolahan: Wes
Hendrick: Hendrix
Daryl Murphy: WUR-fee (the 'M' is an upside-down 'W' in Irish (except for exceptions)); 'Daryl' contains one-and-a-half syllables
Westwood: o-ho, Given's holding his hamstring
Glenn Whelan: Glenn "Leave 'Em Bealin'" Whelan
Robbie Brady: Dead-Ball Specialist OR Dead-Ball Specialist Me Arse
Stephen Ward: Stephenward (hence "the winger's headed Stephenwardward")
James McClean: on-a-YELL-oh
David Meyler: Ireland's Unlikely Hero
Martin O'Neill: Michael O'Neill, I mean Martin O'Neill
Roy Keane: Distraction?
Athenry: ath-HEN-ree, definitely ath-HEN-ree
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