Fifty sea cadets are sailing to a place where no-one sails to

So here's the thing. There's this bunch of writers who have been variously entangled with publications and websites of much esteem, busying themselves delving into sport and other aspects of culture. They want to start a new website. They want to call it The Classical. They want it to be full of smart people writing intelligent stuff on the whole wonderful, messy, insane, glorious monstrosity that likes to call itself sport, and they want it to be somewhere like-minded souls can gather. They want to have the final say as to what goes into it, and they want it to be something to cherish.

And, much like the custom whereby the Barbarians select an uncapped player in their starting XV, I'm involved.

Here's another thing. To do this properly requires money. The Google SEO bribes alone are, well, you don't want to know. So we've set up a Kickstarter project in order to fund our budget for the first year. In other words, we're looking for your help. Through Kickstarter, you can pledge an amount of money of your choice to help pay for our special satellite death ray with which we will hold the world hostage until our demands are met. Whatever we have left over, we will feed into our new operation. That is, of course, as long as we meet our target amount. A couple of days in and we've already had a gratifyingly enthusiastic response. We like to think that shows we're onto something, but we have a long way to go, and we want to make this really, really good, and we need your contribution to do so.

Here's yet another thing. No donation goes unrewarded. And we're not just talking about spiritual rewards, either — you will also get a gift or gifts as a material token of your fabulousness. Think of it as like lifting the World Cup, except better and more realistic. Whatever you give, you get stuff in return, such as a t-shirt with our logo on it (seriously, dig that logo), a commissioned essay, a FreeDarko print from said collective's resident art genius Jacob Weinstein, or even some of our treasured personal belongings. That's right: we are prepared to give you almost literal pieces of ourselves. We were going to offer corneas — our real, honest-to-God corneas — but there were some legal complications.

And as a special, unlisted, Easter egg reward, if you give $20,000, you will receive, signed by every member of the Classical crew, an advance copy of my hotly-tipped and highly-anticipated Nicklas Bendtner biography, I Just Wasn't Made For These Times!* Basically the more you donate, the more you get.

You can face our book, tw our itter, and, if you'd be so lovely, drop by our Kickstarter page and consider lobbing a few shekels our way. You'll be helping to create something cool, and the others won't beat me you'll get more writing from me, which I'm guessing at least several of you might consider a development of a tolerable nature. Most importantly, The Classical** will love you unconditionally. Thank you kindly, and don't make me point violently at a table.



* And this is the special, unlisted, Easter egg footnote informing you, for legal reasons, that this reward isn't real. You wish.

** Why, yes we are!