This weekend, following yesterday's World Cup draw, you're going to see a ton of would-be insights from people who have seen, like, six of the teams play since the last tournament, using whatever lame prognosticatory capacities they possess.
I'd hate to buck the trend.
GROUP A (The Group of Lady Macbeth)
South Africa
Mexico
Uruguay
France
WE COULD HAVE FINISHED SECOND IN THAT GROUP!
GROUP B (Quite Literally The Group of Beth)
Argentina
Nigeria
South Korea
Greece
75% identical in composition to Group D in the 1994 finals. Which makes South Korea this tournament's Bulgaria, Park Ji-Sung the Stoitchkov of the East and Lionel Messi a very naughty boy. (See? This prediction stuff is a cinch.)
GROUP C (The Group of Meth)
England
USA
Algeria
Slovenia
USA-England: a recently-diagnosed manic depressive versus a lifelong sufferer. The broadcast will end with "If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this programme..."
GROUP D (The Group of Math)
Germany
Australia
Serbia
Ghana
Look, Neill fouled Grosso, okay?
GROUP E (The Group of Heth-Eth-Eth-Eth-Eth, Heth-Eth-Eth-Eth-Eth, Heth-Eth-Eth-Eth-Eth, Sausage Factory)
Holland
Denmark
Japan
Cameroon
"That's just naive defending, Clive."
GROUP F (The Group of "Eth! There's a Hair on My Tongue!")
Italy
Paraguay
New Zealand
Slovakia
"Miss Montana!"
"A beaut from Butte!"
"Miss South Carolina!"
"Nuthin' could be finer!"
"Miss Delaware!"
"Uh ... Good for her!"
GROUP G (The Group of Glorious Sacrifice for the Motherland)
Brazil
North Korea
Ivory Coast
Portugal
"So, at half-time it's Ivory Coast leading North Korea by a goal to nil. What effect do you think this will have on England's chances, Alan?"
GROUP H (The Group of Bad Breath)
Spain
Switzerland
Honduras
Chile
Sepp Blatter is Swiss. That's all I'm saying.
This post is made of actual awesome. Group F's moniker is my fave.
ReplyDeleteDid you also notice that Beckham probably will be participating in the actual tournament yet also had a role in the lottery selection? Seems kinda sketchy....a Swiss-England final would not surprise me, only make me really really sad
ReplyDeleteNow that you mention it, they've done this before. I seem to remember Ruben Paz participating in the 1990 draw, even though Uruguay were in it and they, um ... well, they won a game, which is better than they did the previous time.
ReplyDelete