December 31, 2010

Two: Two hundred and twenty-seven Lears


Part two of two (plus appendix!). Part one here. Appendix here.

There is the tension and there is, in theory, the release. We are given to seeing the tension purely in terms of its release: a necessary prologue, a set-up for the punchline. The release is the reason we are gathered here today; you work at a mathematical problem in order to find a solution, after all. The release – or its product, at any rate – is what will live on in the Ozymandian eternity of our collective and individual memories, in the myth we feel compelled to create from what we experience.

And yet. The Tourmalet climb did indeed move the story of the maillot jaune on to a resolution: Contador achieved precisely what he needed to, thus practically securing the overall win. But from the perspective of the viewer (this viewer, at least – ymmv, dear reader), it was not from this that the full glory of the contest came. There was no great release: just a slow, slow unwinding, which amounted to a different kind of tension. It was like when we look at some great immensity – the night sky, say. We don’t just unthinkingly regard it: we undergo a shift in scale. Our own personal universes of which we are the centre usually seem so vast as to fill all available space, like expanding foam in a speed camera. But we look up, and we find that our co-ordinates are useless. And with the shift in scale comes a shift in perspective. We no longer look out from ourselves; in fact, our selves shrink in relevance. We turn our focus back on ourselves and then zoom out, and see that we are no longer the little emperors of our perception, but just things, clicks of background radiation. Like any transition between states, this has the potential to disturb. But why can’t we look away?


Watching sport is at least a little bit like this at any time; the Tourmalet was just an extreme example. It’s moments like that where the essential passivity of watching sport is most apparent. We surrender, temporarily giving ourselves over to a greater force, willingly rendering ourselves minuscule and helpless. We allow ourselves to be strapped in and transported to the crest of the track, and we experience, in the words of the poet A. E. Stallings, ”the vertigo of possibility”, as the anticipation of a lurching stomach or an involuntary freezing.

Maybe this is a somewhat melancholic thought, like the dying echo of the fat bastard singing “you fat bastard” at the professional athlete. It’s not just that we do all this: it’s that we need to. I’ve banged on at various times about the gap between the spectator and the spectacle (not in a Situationist way, unless that’s your bag, you crazy fucker), and this seems to confirm that separation. It reinforces the notion that we have no real control over something we may love with a genuine intensity. I once wrote this (aye, I’m quoting myself. Whisht, right?):

Such is the power of what we see that we unwittingly give prominence to our own perception of it; we are convinced that we watch sport simultaneously with its happening. But we are in a philosophically luxurious position: we actually experience the game on a kind of satellite delay. The game is presented to us as a fait accompli, as a set of data to be assessed years from now, next week, a second later. To us it is, in effect, inevitable — something like destiny. The spectator lives the game as a perpetual past, but the athlete lives it as a perpetual present. Our entry point is the telling of the story, which has already been written by someone else. The athlete's entry point is a vast nothing, a void where "destiny" is an advertising slogan for indulgence-pedlars and perfumers. It is they who must forge the reality we end up, however we may try not to, taking for granted. We feel engrossed, as if we are undergoing the full tumult, but we are really at one remove from the white-hot centre. That one remove makes all the difference.

But at the moment where nothing really happens, we transcend the gap. The error of parallax is eliminated as our “perpetual past” moves to align with the athlete’s “perpetual present”. Sport is a world dense with human-interest stories, ultra-confident stabs at ESP, post-hoc rationalisation presented as the wisdom of the ancients, and armchair psychology of the highest-proof bullshit. But it’s at the apsis of the rollercoaster that we gain the greatest insight into what we watch, because we temporarily inhabit something of the same outlook and share something of the same oxygen-depleted air. For the spectator, this is the difference between the event being a tableau and a living entity ...


… Okay, look: I have a confession to make. I’ve been pawing the ground in front of me for something-thousand words, swearing I was about to say it, thinking better of it, trying to avoid it. But no longer. Here goes:

I once bought a Shed Seven single.

Okay, that’s not it. (I did, though. Long story.)

Over the unmourned corpse of the World Cup final was exchanged some short-order nostalgia for the previous evening's entertainment. If I cared what you thought of me, I'd worry you'll misread what I'm about to type as hypocrisy: I enjoyed Germany-Uruguay. Yes, mere days before, I described the third-place match as "just a chummy natter between two benign ghosts — ie. the boring-as-shite kind". Which is true, in that the game takes place to one side of the stream of madness that defines the competition: it's a kickabout among semi-deflated balloon animals. This does not negate the possibility of a fine game of football, of course. Indeed, by unplugging from the mains and tapping into alternative sources of motivation, the third-place match may even be more likely to be such. I can't remember one that was devoid of interest or fun in some way, and that run continued this year, right down to Diego Forlán's last-kick free which so wrongly clattered against the crossbar. I loved it.

(That’s not it either...)

After the final, the world's mood was chilly, like outside a cinema after a disappointing sequel. I remember tweeting something to the effect that I was glad I had sat through the first ninety minutes in order to get to the last thirty. I think I was trying to chime with the prevailing sentiment — what with the climax of the tournament to which we'd devoted so much of our time and energy having turned out to be something less than heaven on earth and all — while offering some small counterweight. After all, extra time was exciting, utterly unpredictable, even — yes! — pretty at times. For example, it contained the most thrilling moment of the tournament, when Arjen Robben was put through on goal, one-on-one, delaying his move and delaying it again and again, to be denied by what can only be described as Iker Casillas. And it at last yielded a goal, scored by Andrés Iniesta: one of the least unlikeable footballers around, reprising his Stamford Bridge showstopper. (A bit of trivia for you: this is the only World Cup final goal to be scored by a Caroline Wozniacki lookalike.) Of course, if I was half in disagreement with everyone else, I was half in agreement. But not a second after I sent that tweet (it would just have to be after), I realised that I was lying to myself: at no point during the match had I been bored. The tension was too exquisite for such indulgences. I was enthralled by the whole thing.

(There we go...)


I could easily have been fed up with the relative lack of high-quality football on show. In a perfect world, especially considering the involvement of this Spain team, it could have been an asethetic apotheosis of sorts. As it was, it didn't bear the figurative stamp of Xavi so much as the literal one of van Bommel. It was far from picturesque: I would truthfully only watch it again if it was edited with de Jongian brutality. Yet it hardly mattered. I had my preferences as to what kind of World Cup final I would like to see and, even with prior experience in mind, some hope that they may be realised. But on this occasion, I was carried along by the occasion. That the match wasn't as conventionally beautiful as I may have wished wasn't irrelevant, but it certainly didn't spoil matters. Moreover, even the ugly blotches which ruined the appetites of so many became part of the game’s unconventional beauty, because they made stronger that elemental connection I would again experience four days later watching Contador and Schleck stretch the twig of sport to melting point.

Now, I'm not claiming any great wisdom here. I don’t have any special insight: I didn’t watch the match in the lotus position on a bare floor deep within the cave system constructed here at SIATVS Hectares by the world’s finest philosophical geoplasticists (it’s like the cave system at the Google campus, only without the wifi). Chance, mood, weather, blood sugar level, pollen count: any, all, none or more of these factors may have played a part in setting my mind to appreciate the game in a particular way. I'm not trying to convince you that the game was actually sporting perfection; I don't begrudge anyone their disdain for the match, nor do I believe it is necessarily mistaken. But nor do I believe I am mistaken. That feeling was there to be had, and I'm glad I had it.


But, as I say, I could just as easily have missed it. One of the snares awaiting the deeply engaged fan is the aul’ woods/trees conundrum. It can arise when our hopes for what we are about to witness harden into, if not dogma, then a kind of loose ideology. It prompts an pre-empting: in effect, an effort to control how we will feel about the event. But the essential nature of spectating is that we ultimately don't have this control. We've all experienced this nature as an immense frustration, but so have we experienced it as a profound joy — almost as a liberation as we transcend our station. Not that an immersion in the culture of a sport — our home city, to wind things back to the start — necessarily limits one's enjoyment of it. That would be absurd, really, like saying that a knowledge of musical theory and history is an automatic block on musical appreciation. Fundamentally, the pre-empting comes from love. But — speaking for myself, natch — it's notable how much easier it can be to recognise the wonder of sport when it happens in unfamiliar surroundings. Thinking back only over the history of this blog, the events that have most touched me have mainly been in sports other than football; this is out of proportion to the amount of time I spend paying attention to the non-soccer world. No doubt this is partly because, when I watch other sports, it's less likely to be the necessary preliminaries and more likely a Wimbledon final, a world 200m final or a decisive Tour stage. But it's also, I suspect, because my guard is down — the pressure is off. When your comprehension of a language is less than total, it's the sheer music of the thing that gets to you before its meaning. When it's your mother tongue, sometimes the meaning overwhelms all else, whether the meaning is real or pre-conceived by the listener.


It's that paradox again. To closely follow a World Cup takes considerable investment: not just in that condensed month, but, to really get it, in the sport as a whole, in all its quotidian madness and mundanity. Such is the expectation thus generated that it's no wonder someone might feel almost offended when it doesn't quite work out as they had hoped. Something like the World Cup gets built up so much that the only way for it to match the bombast is for it to be magnificent on an historic scale. I certainly wasn't the only one who was initially unfavourably measuring this final against past editions. But this concern with where a game fits in an eternal ranking goes against one of sport's main drives. Most art worth a damn take time to properly appreciate, and so lasts longer in the mind. But sporting drama is, by definition, ephemeral. There is no way to adequately capture the spirit of a match and carry it around with you. It feels like there should be, dammit; hence sport's constant yearning to preserve and revere itself. It leads us to wonder how many angels could dance on the head of Rafael Nadal's racquet, or to too quickly rush to the brink of smugness that we happened to be alive when something wonderful happened, or to beat ourselves up because everything wonderful that's happened did so before we were around to witness it, or to load so much significance onto a single match that, regardless of its stature, it could not possibly bear it.


In her recently published history of ballet, Jennifer Homans says (according to the review in the Sunday Times, hence no link) that dance is an art "of memory, not history". As with dance, so with sport: it's experienced in the moment, and it's in the memory that the moment is stored. A version of the moment, that is. The problem is that the memory leaks — no matter how often one tries to recall it, it will never amount to the same thing. It's nuclear fallout, a residue. It's an image of the moment, not the moment itself. Instead of letting history look after itself, we want a Polaroid, and we want it to be a perfect facsimile. We create monuments to our own perceptions.

The key is to strike a balance between enough openness to the magic to let it choose you, as it were, and not allowing sophistication to become something you merely get entangled in. Too must cynicism clogs the arteries; too much sensitivity leaves you like a peeled apple. But perhaps "strike a balance" is too optimistically active a formulation. It requires a lighter touch than that. It probably even requires cynicism as a safety valve at the very least, so that you don't end up watching the football forever. Maybe you just have to hope you don't miss too much.

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December 30, 2010

One: Nothing happens


Part one of two (plus appendix!). Part two here. Appendix here.
                     Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.

― T. S. Eliot, 'Burnt Norton'
The long-time reader of this blog — such a creature exists, our market research department has determined — will understand how fraudulent the first word of its title is. It hints at a sporting polymathy the site fails to display — the last substantial post here addressing something other than football is well over a year old. I sometimes worry, in between the times I don't worry, whether my appreciation of sport is heading the way of my language skills: practical monolingualism, in which sparks of utterances in other languages sometimes catch fire, but which I still need basic aid to grasp, even then leaving me with the lurking notion that the true sense eludes me.

It is some way from that fate yet, for which I'm thankful. Nonetheless, I sometimes can't shake the feeling, when I visit strange parts — if I may switch metaphorical horses for a mo' — of being a tourist. (Or should that be a travellah?) I can amble through soccer's back streets, getting lost without getting lost, because it's my home city. Cycling, on the contrary, is a city I usually only visit for three weeks every July. When it comes to football, I know who Dražan Jerković was, only having to look him up to find out whether he is an "is" or a "was", and to ensure I have the correct diacritics in place in his name. (I've also discovered that no-one seems to be sure his first name wasn't actually Dražen. This interests me. Please, ladies, one at a time...) In matters cycling, I'm not completely ignorant — I know my Hinault from my EPO, my Poupou from my B-sample — but its equivalent arcana is largely foreign to me, where it is instinctive for those who live the sport. Even some of the more prominent historical points need refreshing in my mind, and this I tend to do before and during the Tour de France. But there is much else in sport I would readily give up sooner than I would the time I spend with the race.


"But" may be the wrong word, because I suspect part of its attraction lies in its unfamiliarity, or at least in the way in which that unfamiliarity highlights the familiar, the sporting universal. I'm a proponent of the idea that if you really get one sport, you at least have the key to all sports; the question is whether you want to open any doors with it, even if some of what lies behind them seems dauntingly esoteric. Sports fans are prone to framing their passion for one discipline in terms of disparagement of others, as if said passion arose by a process of elimination. It's a cousin of the more intemperate forms of nationalism: my country is the greatest because it's not yours. It's well to bear this in mind whenever someone tries to convince you how uniquely wonderful their chosen sport is. Should you notice the phrase "the beautiful game" galumphing into earshot as if set to music by Andrew Lloyd Webber, look very deeply into your companion's eyes before deciding whether to pursue the conversation. Should you hear the words "jogo bonito" or, Lord preserve us, "Joga Bonito", run. (I once quoted hereabouts the Half Man Half Biscuit line about the man "found guilty of wearing a Brazilian shirt with a number 10 on the back...", and I've just done so again.) But maybe I was unusual in growing up in an environment where checking rugby league scores on Ceefax wasn't a prelude to a lifetime of shame and ridicule. Or maybe I'm just rationalising my promiscuity. I come not to judge the world.


The King of the Mountains competition in the Tour de France has almost become irrelevant, as befitting something won seven times by Richard Virenque. (This is Ma Vérité — tell me yours.) But just because the Best Climber is rarely the best climber doesn't mean there isn't plenty else to pay attention to: Will this be the 150km break that actually succeeds? Just how big will Mark Cavendish's winning margin be? Just how much is Mark Cavendish like Usain Bolt? Just why the bloody hell doesn't Mark Cavendish go for some intermediate sprints? (Because it's no fun, I suspect.) Will someone fall down a ravine on a descent? Will a cyclist one day snap, get off his bike and fling it at one of those gobshites running alongside him? Who's been a naughty boy this time?

The latter question has not had to be asked much — relatively speaking — during the race itself since the 2007 brouhahas (though positive drugs tests given during Tours de France have have come to light weeks and months after the final stage). Here I make a confession: there is a small part of me — a charred, barren, quite possibly evil part of me — that misses these episodes. Ideally, it's a pure sporting contest I'm after. But my partiality to a bit of Tour scandal is not an "oh, fuck it" response to the inevitable triumph of the dastards; nor am I chasing ambulances from my sofa. It's not that I wish for these things to happen, exactly; it's just ... well, take the case of Floyd Landis in 2006. It was hilarious in its implausibility — Landis cracking in magnificent style in yellow on the final climb of stage 16, losing over eight minutes to second-placed Óscar Pereiro; recovering within a day to make up almost all of that time, before taking yellow, seemingly for keeps, in the final time trial. (Said then-WADA chief Dick Pound after Landis' testosterone-saturated dope test: "You’d think he’d be violating every virgin within 100 miles. How does he even get on his bicycle?") Or look at Michael Rasmussen a year later: the drip-drip of revelations about his, ahem, administrative carelessness in keeping the doping authorities in touch with his whereabouts in previous months; and then, on the very day Rasmussen had all but wrapped up overall victory, the bombshell of further, ahem, administrative carelessness which finally made his position untenable. Whatever else it was, it was deliciously dramatic.

"Whatever else it was" is key. Football appears to have collectively and tacitly decided that doping not only is not a problem for the sport, but cannot be a problem, at least not on the epically systematic scale on which Festina were but a plague of sores. But indulge my doubts on this consensus for a moment and imagine something similar happening in soccer. The response, among people who actually care, is unlikely to be one of shrugged shoulders, let alone smacked lips. For cycling fans, their sport's problems are a source of fundamental angst. For me, they are a site of quaint dilapidation which gives the area what the legalised hustler might call "character"; it's the scene of a violent and glamorous crime which held me spellbound thousands of miles away, whose sole purpose may as well have been to await being photographed in my gurning, thumbs-up presence. "Whatever else it was" — whatever else it is — is the detritus that remains when the likes of me pack up and return home to where nobody tells because nobody asks because nobody wants to know. The difference between the cycling fan's attitude to the Tour de France and mine lies somewhere in the distance between a life and a story, a trauma and a plot twist.


A great story can't be a great story without at least one great episode. For this dilettante, the 2010 Tour had two, both involving the competition between Andy Schleck and Alberto Contador. Schleck held yellow from Contador by 31 seconds as the race headed into the Pyrenees. By the final climb of stage 14, just before the finish at Ax-3 Domaines, the pair were part of a group containing most of the overall Tour leaders, including third-placed Samuel Sánchez and fourth-placed Denis Menchov. Schleck's approach was purely defensive: his aim was to keep Contador constantly in front of him, always in his sight. Contador's consequent reluctance to attack raised the question as to what was going to happen, for something surely had to. The answer was nothing — and did this nothing ever happen. Contador slowed down, daring Schleck to have a go. Schleck wouldn't bite. Contador slowed down some more. Schleck wouldn't bite. At times, the two riders looked like they were about to come to a halt on this category 1 climb. They played this game seemingly oblivious to the fact that the rest of the group, including Sánchez and Menchov, were now fast disappearing up the mountain. Perhaps the confidence Schleck would display in a post-stage interview about the two-man nature of the Tour was genuinely felt during the stage itself; nonetheless, this was brinkmanship on the part of himself and Contador, both in relation to Sánchez and Menchov, and to their own personal battle. Eventually, Schleck did accelerate, too late in the day for Contador to do anything but accompany him to the finish line. Sánchez and Menchov wound up taking little time from the top two, and the status quo was more or less intact for another day. Still, that moment in which time — much like Schleck's chain on stage 15 — slipped from its cog would have been worth the price of admission, had there been one.

By stage 17, Contador led by eight seconds, owing to Schleck's mishap. This was Schleck's last chance. He burned the rest of the field away with a series of attacks beginning ten kilometres from the finish — the rest of the field, that is, except Alberto Contador. For the last eight kilometres, it would be between Schleck and Contador alone, up the monstrous Col du Tourmalet. (The word "Tourmalet" always reminds me of "Torquemada".) Now it was Contador's turn to take second wheel and stalk Schleck.


What played out was, amongst other things, an example of the active role television can play in shaping our perception of sport. The Tour de France remains a extraordinarily popular spectator event, and you doubtless miss much sat in your armchair rather than stood behind a barrier. But stood behind a barrier, you miss everything else. In this case, that meant the kind of contest that usually gets called "epic" with convenient casualness, except that this time, it fitted. Schleck led Contador into the fog, the likes of which would have made watching a football game an exercise in piecing together an overall picture from distant crowd noises. But it served to perfectly capture this bike race, as if to shroud the rest of the riders and leave these two alone on a stage that moved with them. Schleck kicked as necessary — that is to say, several times, because Contador refused to be shaken off. Contador even had a go himself, as if to reproach Schleck for his insolence. Schleck stuck to Contador; they were never more than a few metres apart until the finish. Schleck took a win of which he was justifiably proud, even if it was accompanied by the extinction of his hopes of riding to Paris in yellow. (Just about: he gave Contador a fright in the first sector of the stage 19 time trial, but soon faded.)


And then there was what lay in the grikes between the facts of a bare account, in the pauses between the notes. The physical manifestation of this was in the occasional glances between Schleck and Contador; as Schleck was in front for most of the climb, they were usually instigated by him. There aren't many opportunities in sport for meaningful eye contact. In racing sports like cycling, the competitors usually face the same direction, for one thing. The haka of the All Blacks® may, in the context of international sport, verge on being a worn catchphrase — a sporting Lumberjack Song — but when the opposition responds by staring right back into it, it can power the floodlights all by itself. Ireland did it in 1989, though rather spoiled the effect by looking like kids whose giddiness was about to alert the teacher to the toothpaste on the duster; they were duly handed their customary defeat. Wales did it better in 2008, though they too lost. France in 2007, in their tricoloured garb and hard-faced impassivity and 20-18 win, did it best of all. But the haka takes place before the contest. It's a ritual; however powerful it may be, it's a formulated happening. To eyeball, or try to eyeball, an opponent in the throes of combat is different to this; different, too, to when it happens in a lull in play. On the Tourmalet, there was no real lull. Shortly after Contador's acceleration, as Schleck drew back alongside his antagonist, he took a long look at Contador. By a stroke of luck on the part of the host broadcaster, a pillion cameraman managed to get a long look at the long look. Happening when it did, the effect on the viewer watching live was akin to taking a deep breath just as a gust of wind blows down your throat. It was reminiscent of the almost invasive crosscut close-ups of Juan Román Riquelme and Jens Lehmann before the former's penalty for Villarreal against Arsenal in the 2006 Champions League semi-final, except that this time, the element of chance involved in getting the shot seemed to lend the portrayal of the moment a particular acuity. On this climb, it was clear, was sport stripped of ceremony and artifice, where the most important context was that which the battle was generating by itself. This was the rawness beneath the skin.


Next time: part two, duh.

Top image by Nadja Bournonville.
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December 26, 2010

Status update



In the absence of a recording of the voices inside a record company executive's head as he awaits the follow-up to Loveless, this will have to do. Happy Christmas.

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