January 28, 2010

In respectful disagreement with the mystics


Rooney is the difference between knowing you are a big club, and aspiring to be one. He is the world-class player who United own — and, however many millions they throw at Kaká or Fernando Torres or any of the rest of that small world-class elite, City can only covet.

―Matt Dickinson, The Times
I don't know whether it's possible to be patronising towards a football club that could buy and sell all our asses put together and platinum-plated, but this must surely come close. To this extent, Dickinson takes a line common to a lot of discussion on Manchester City since they became the eighth emirate (yeah, I had to look that up). Moreover, it borders on the mystical, putting faith in bigclubness: the mystical property that makes great teams great. Those without this are, by definition, fit only to be patted on the head and told not to bother their silly ikkul noses with idea that they can reach the stars. Go out to the yard and play catch with your imaginary friend, whydontcha.

No. The cult of Wayne Rooney is one I can get behind, but it shouldn't blind us. Dickinson also singles out the experience of Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes for particular praise. But Alex Ferguson did not form Rooney out of clay and breathe bigclubness into him — United paid an eight-figure sum for the right to pay Rooney a seven-figure salary — and United's success has not been driven solely by their now senior players, no matter how fine their contributions have been, and sometimes still are. What United's extraordinary success and City's ambition have in common is that they are facilitated by money, and cannot be otherwise. Ferguson's genius is beyond dispute, but it's with the vast financial backing his genius has received that it has attained such comprehensive fulfillment. Money allows a team not only to buy greatness, but also the room to make big mistakes. For every Rooney, there's been a Verón; for every Keane, a Kléberson; for every Schmeichel, half a dozen Taibis.

Later, Dickinson says:
All the sheikh’s money has bought City some fine players but this was a reminder that they are only a few steps into the long journey.
There is a difference between the two clubs' means of attaining their respective stashes: United by a symbiosis of on-field triumph and a frighteningly effective commercial operation, achieved over time; City by sheikh ex machina. But the result is — City hope — the same. A more apt comparison is between City and Chelsea. Fingers were wagged when Roman Abramovich bought the latter with the aim of turning them into the best team in the world; we were told that it takes more than a book full of blank cheques to make champs. In the six full seasons since, Chelsea have won more than in ninety-eight previous years of history.


Dickinson seems to think that there exists an alchemical formula to success, known only to a chosen few, but he exaggerates. For instance, when we think of City's failed bid for Kaká, we think of Garry Cook's hilarious turn as a big-shot boor ("If you want my personal opinion they bottled it"). We forget that City were not exactly laughed out of town by Milan or Kaká. It was a closer-run thing than all that; Kaká's Evita impression would hardly have been deemed necessary otherwise. But for some reason, City "throw" money around, whereas United and Chelsea and the rest of the establishment, presumably, invest with utmost prudence. Hmmm.

The only way City could match the risible bombast of Cook's periodic boasts would be to develop nuclear capabilities. But Cook is comic relief, a footballbiz incarnation of Neil Kinnock's notorious election rally performance; his manifest earnestness means he is hardly to be taken earnestly. This isn't the real standard against which City are to be measured. They just have to put together a football team competitive with the elite. That just is enormous, of course. It ain't what you got, it's what you do with it, and what City do with it remains to be seen, though they've started well enough.

Immortality is a swindle. There was a time when City fans could, and did, mock United for last having won the league in 1967 (the days when smallpox-ridden infant chimney sweeps were sent abroad to defend sugar plantations for King and Empire) while City's last title had come in 1968 (the year the world went from black-and-white to colour and sex was invented (yeah, you heard, Larkin)). And how long ago that seems. "Money doesn't necessarily buy success" is a true statement. "Money doesn't buy success" is superstition.

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January 23, 2010

SIATVS EXCLUSIVE! Live Lively Soccernomics Liveblog Liveblog — Live!


Welcome to the first ever Sport Is A TV Show liveblog! Of course, we won't be doing anything so square as liveblogging an actual sporting event. The very idea of such a crass ploy makes us want to delete this post out of self-spite merely for thinking it. No, we have, after a period of intense negotiation as a result of which few were even hospitalised, managed to secure the exclusive rights to liveblog Elliott Futfanatico's exciting livetweeting of his reading of the final chapters of the book Soccernomics: Why England Lose, Why Germany and Brazil Win, and Why the U.S., Japan, Australia, Turkey and Even India are Destined to Become the New Kings of the World's Most Popular Sport by Simon Kuper and Stefan Szymanski!

If you made it through that last sentence: welcome.

So, yeah, basically. We have not had the pleasure or otherwise of reading — as it is less snappily yet somehow more snappily titled over here — Why England Lose and Other Curious Phenomena Explained. We have read Kuper's previous work, the seminal Football Against the Enemy and the less-seminal-but-still-very-good Ajax, The Dutch, The War, but we're in the dark as to his and Mr. Szymanski's latest. Perhaps you're in the same boat. What better way to experience it than through a text commentary on someone else's text commentary on reading a portion of the book? Yeah, that shut you up.

So many unanswered questions! Will it be any good? Will I remember to type Elliott's name with the requisite number of ls and ts? Will we manage to keep using the editorial first person plural? (No.) Will we be interrupted inconveniently at some point during proceedings? (Almost certainly.) Will our chances of accidentally deleting this entire website increase each time we update the page? Just how many typos and spelling errors can one person make?

Join us, refreshing the page periodically. Get in touch in comments, via the email address on the right-hand side of the page or via Twitter. Your chances of being mentioned and thus becoming the envy of yourself are far, far greater than you think.




1829 GMT: Already some subtle Eurobashing and use of the word "lies" from our americano friend. Dear me.

1832: Yep, GMT. None of your deviant Texan time here.

1833: If this was the BBC, I'd be calling you all "mate", being all common and giving you "Fredo's Predos". This is not the BBC.

1834: Elliott (two ls, two ts) narrows it down to wanton Anglo-Saxonism.

1837: My my, it's a fiery start to this encounter! "'"Fans behave more like consumers than addicts.' Umm, I beg to disagree. You need to meet more interesting fans Mr. Kuper", types Elliott.

1838: Have to say, as someone who usually writes at a strict twenty-WPD pace, this is very disconcerting. I think I've got vertigo or something.

1840: See how quickly I can turn the subject round to me? I should be in Hollywood.

1842: I can see this ending in broken bones and scratched corneas: "Whoa, the Scots are more enthusiastic watches of soccer than English? I hope Mr. Kuper has a secluded home on a Patagonian estate". If I'd ever stolen an office plant and it was sitting on my desk, it would have withered slightly at this point.

1844: True story: I scratched someone's cornea when I was a kid. Accidentally, like, but I feel it scarred my psyche forever.

1845: I mean, look at me! Not only do I have a sports blog, I've liveblogging a livetweet of someone reading something! You wouldn't understand. You weren't there, man.

1847: Meanwhile, Elliott counters some criticism of Iceland. Right on. I've been in love with Iceland ever since Jeremy Clarkson drove a buggy over its mountains sometime in the '90s.

1848: First Fall reference of the evening:



1851: Elliott in comments says: "Fredo - this is an unmitigated disaster of Shaniah Twain proportions. I shall march on, but understand if you jump ship." I don't get it. Was the Shaniah Twain some kind of ship or something?

1855: I don't think "Jeremy Clarkson driving a buggy over Iceland's mountains" is a euphemism, but always consult your euphemologist first.

1900: Elliott: "Whoa, Kuper just said "the successful Germans" and the "not so successful English." This Yank just steps on toes like a footlose outcast" Which reminds us, of course, of last week's QI, where the guests simply couldn't believe that German football fans don't care about England very much, no doubt due in part to the fact that they have won lots of stuff since 1966, whereas England have been to a couple of semi-finals.

1901: And Ireland have...

1902: ...not lost to England since 1984.

1903: Of course, Ireland haven't actually played England in a game that last the full ninety since 1991....

1905: "Simple prose for highschool drop outs" -- Kuper's previous form counting for little, and such footballing terminology.

1906: Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Elliott starts to praise the third-place playoff. That could be the turning point of this one, you feel, John.

1908: Elliott responds to his faux pas with a spirited attack on Kuper: "I suppose if Patrick Vieira's form can fade so poorly in 10 years, then a writer's can as well?" Hopefully it'll help in settle and get back into this game.

1911: By drawing attention to the fact that I am aware of my misspellings and typos, I aim to demonstrate my unwillingness to be considered lacking in intelligence.

1913: "Brazil is everybody's 'second team'", says Kuper. Ugh.

1915: Right then. Leeds get their reward for an enterprising display but Spurs probably should have made the game safe before the late penalty drama. I'm not sure either side really wanted a replay either, but I doubt Leeds will be complaining too much.

1916: Damn. What happened there?

1918: Wait, you don't stop in the middle of the game to hug your opponent and tell them how great they are. "The stats on "Public Viewing" in Germany are ridiculously awesome, hats off to Kuper." What is that?

1920: Billy from Prestatyn, Wales emails: "Is it just me or is it really cute how these Americans get so worked up over 'sawker'?" Yes it is, Billy. Yes it is.

1925: Elliott: "langlauf ... I am too afraid to google that word. So let's just all let our imaginations run wild" Let's not...

1927: Which is quite perverted, when you think of it.

1928: Dinner time. Back soon!

1949: "Hurry back!" emails Roger in Melbourne, Australia. Aw.

1950: Did you know there was a liverayhudson Twitter page?

1951: Oh yeah, the liveblog.

1952: Whoops -- hi, Terry. Missed you there.

1953: Good grief -- this livetweet liveblog has been livetumbl'd. I think I going insane.

1954: Wait for it...

1955: ...wait for it...

1956: ...wait for it...

1957: ...there it is. I've flipped.

2000: Hi! Welcome to Sport Is A TV Show, as I, Fredorrarci embark on an exclusive liveblogging of my reading Anna Karenina! Don't worry, I won't be blogging the whole thing; I've already read the first fifty pages. That leaves a mere eight hundred to report on, which is really nothing, when you set it against the entire body of literature produced by mankind.

2006: As it stands, Levin is about to spend the evening at the Scherbatskys', where he may or may not propose to Kitty. (Stiva has warned him to wait until the morning.) The Princess, Kitty's mother, has grave misgivings about her daughter marrying Levin; she would rather she got hitched to Vronsky, who seems like your stereotypical eligible bachelor sort at the moment, though who knows what...

2007: Hello? Hello?

FIN

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January 22, 2010

Battery in your leg


Perhaps there has been a bit too much "things have been a bit quiet around here lately" around here lately, but an operation of this kind of intellectual gravity requires periodic seasons of fallowness to allow the soils of knowledge to bloom with the flowers of genius, and so forth. Things will pick up when they pick up, and you'll be damned grateful for it too, I'll warrant.

The picking-up will, hopefully, commence this weekend, as we plan to engage in a multi-platform, hyper-dimensional, meta-meta experiment, conditional on schedule synchronicity, an uncharacteristic absence of time-zone mix-ups and Aunt Agatha not making any unexpected visits. Details to come, if it happens; otherwise, your computer will self-destruct ... when you least expect it.

In other news, hasn't this transfer window been the most blissful time of your life? How quiet! How serene! How divine! Although my sources tell me that Finn Harps have tabled a loan bid for Ruud van Nistelrooy, so one to watch out for there.

There Are No Fours have posted some great stuff in response to Arenas/Crittenton gun/fingergun episode. Here is the latest, opening out onto the general issue of sport and morality. Also related to sport and morality, except this time on the field of play, is this by Ted Harwood at Running Downhill from a while back, which if I didn't already link to here or on Twitter, I'm doing now. Léigí!

Ted has also passed along this. To re-iterate a point I made on Twitter: people say you can either love or hate Robbie Savage; I say you can do both.

It's nearly Winter Olympics time! Spencer Hall samples the glory of curling first hand (link via Plasma Pool). Zach Dundas makes the case against the case against the Winter games.

If you haven't seen what's brewing at The Run of Play, brace yourself.

What does Cormac McCarthy think of that thing with the handball and the tears and that? Adrian Russell knows.

Dirty Tackle has moved to Yahoo. See Brooks Peck's face!

Left Back in the Changing Room has posted a Roberto Baggio compilation video. Altogether now: swoon.

Video has surfaced of that Usain Bolt/Kerry football meeting, reported on here last week. Aye, but sure what'd he be like in an O'Byrne Cup match on a filthy Sunday in January, hah? Hah?!

Bill McLaren passed away this week. Here, via the Guardian, is himself commentating on Paul Thorburn's extraordinary 70-yard penalty back in "the day". Dollink, either you got it or you don't got it, and both Thorburn and McLaren gotted it. Listen for McLaren's immediate reaction to the kick.



Finally, just because it was in the Related Videos on the Thorburn/McLaren page, that Gavin Henson kick. Here's selfishly hoping his loss of motivation is temporary and that he can get back to doing stuff like this.

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January 12, 2010

It's true what they say...


...God is a Kerryman. Here endeth the debate, disconcertingly.

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January 10, 2010

"How good is that?!"



A delightful interview with Jens Voigt, via the Twitter feed of the equally delightful There Are No Fours.

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January 7, 2010

Craters, seen from afar


An excerpt from an alien report on the terrestrial landscape, as recounted by Primo Levi.



2.3 ELLIPTICAL CRATERS

The existence of elliptical (more rarely circular or semicircular) craters within certain Cities or in their immediate vicinity was already pointed out in previous Reports. They formed slowly (in the course of five to fifteen years) even in very ancient times near various Cities of the Mediterranean area; but there is no record of their having been observed before the eighth century BC. The majority of these ancient craters were later more or less completely obliterated, perhaps due to erosion or as a consequence of natural catastrophes. During the last sixty years many other craters have formed with great regularity within or close to all the Cities, with an extension superior to 30 or 50 hectares; the largest Cities often have two or more. They never appear on inclines, and their shapes and dimensions are very uniform. Rather than being of a precisely elliptical design, they consist of a rectangle measuring approximately 160 to 200 meters, completed on the two short sides by two semicircumferences. Their orientation appears haphazard, both in respect to the urban reticulate, and to the cardinal points. That these are craters has been clearly recognized on the basis of the profile of their shadows at dusk: their rim is 12 to 20 meters high in relation to the ground, it drops sheerly on the outside, and toward the inside has a declivity of approximately 50 percent. Some of them, during the summer season, emit at times a tenuous luminosity during the early hours of the night.

Their volcanic origin is deemed probable, but their relationship to the urban formations is obscure. Just as mysterious is the weekly rhythm to which the craters seem to be typically subject, and which we shall describe here below.


3. NONASTRONOMICAL PERIODICITY

A certain number of phenomena observed on earth follow a seven-day rhythm. Only the optical instruments at our disposal for a few decades have allowed us to highlight this singularity; therefore, we are not in a position to establish whether its origins are recent or remote, or even if this singularity goes back to the solidifying of the terrestrial crust. It is certainly not an astronomical rhythm: as is well known, neither the terrestrial month (synodic or sidereal) nor the year (solar or sidereal) contains a number of days which is a multiple of 7.

The weekly rhythm is extremely rigid. The phenomena which we shall call OTSD (Of The Seventh Day), and which mainly concern the Cities and their immediate surroundings, take place simultaneously on the entire terrestrial surface; allowances being made, of course, for discrepancies in local times. This fact is not explained, nor have truly satisfactory hypotheses been advanced: just as a matter of curiosity we point out that some observers have formulated the supposition of a biological rhythm. Any possible life (vegetal and/or animal) on Earth, that in this hypothesis would have to be accepted as rigorously monogenetic, would be subject to an extremely general cycle, in which activity and rest (or vice versa) follow each other in periods of six days and one day.


3.1 THE OTSD ACTIVITY OF THE CRATERS

As mentioned, the elliptical craters referred to under section 2.3 are subject to a weekly rhythm.

Every seven days their contours, which normally are whitish, become gray or black within a few hours (generally during the early afternoon hours): they maintain this dark coloration for approximately two hours, and then in about fifteen or twenty minutes they resume the original whitish tint. Only exceptionally has the phenomenon been observed on other days than the seventh. The internal area of the crater does not present appreciable variations in color.




From The Sixth Day and Other Tales by Primo Levi, 1966, translated by Raymond Rosenthal.

Image: satellite view of Rome, including Stadio Olimpico, Stadio dei Marmi and Stadio Flaminio. From Google Maps.
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January 5, 2010

Text and death


The new issue of The Norman Einsteins is now live, and your favourite writer whose pesudonym ends in "-edorrarci" has a piece in it. It celebrates, curses and laments the decaying institution that is teletext and its place in the lives of those sports fans who have encountered it.

Check out the rest of the issue as well, of course, including our New Year's resolutions. The site also has a neat RSS'd page linking to an array of sportological goodness from around the web, which is well worth subscribing to.

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