Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow wow wow wow! What a day of footie news! WHAT! A!! DAY!!!
!!!!
Let's start with the big story — Steven Gerrard might retire in four years time! Maybe! Or he might retire in, say, three years! Or maybe five, or six, or seven, or maybe even eleventy hundred! Who knows?! Not him, not anyone! THIS BLOWS MY MIND!!!
I don't want to BLOW YOUR MIND TOO, so put a hat on it or clamp it in a vice or something before you read this next bit, because I don't want you suing me! My man Stevie G has REVEALED that he nearly quit Liverpool to join Chelsea in 2005, but decided not to! I DID NOT KNOW THIS!!! I don't think ANYONE could have known this, because I can't remember anyone talking about it!
Just when I thought my day couldn't get any more FREAKY and BRILLIANT, I got a sneak preview of next season's Premier League fixture list, which will be officially published tomorrow!
SPOILER ALERT!!!
I found out that EVERY TEAM WILL PLAY EVERY OTHER TEAM!
TWICE!!!
No, I'm not aleufx g going crazy — I'm just ajaisfuk banging my head against hbsduv the keyboard because I awifuydhlif LOVE sfgsifyhs THE sguduf SUMMER fuhgfu SO esouisye MUCH!!!!!!!!! suyihsgseilkffsi
I know, right? Stevie G won't play football literally forever and has a half-baked plan for future. NEWZ!
You forgot to mention that some of the teams will play each other THREE TIMES or MORE depending on who they draw in the cups. Frankly, I think you've undersold a fairly gargantuan scoop.
Oh - completely tangentially, Mr Bugduv exposer, you might like to google Rajko Purovic before your keyboard breaks once and for all...
Wait, the teams will be playing one another TWICE? Who came up with this revolutionary idea? Is it to compensate for the imminent collapse of Setanta?
Was I right or was I right?
Also, my tastes in non-existent footballers are quite rarefied these days. I'm not going to be interested in this one until someone points out an allusion to a story in Slavic mythology or something.
Doesn't Purovic mean "Come on, not every hoax needs to be steeped in literary references" in the original Serbian?
Rajko will be disappointed. I mean, look what happened to Massi when he got rumbled; didn't the Times cost him his dream move?
I'm looking forward to the day when we can pick an XI from fake players erroneously reported as being real in national newspapers. In the meantime, I'm going to make a list of players and people who are immune from transfer rumours.
Post a Comment